Lurking for Love
Yes, lurking. Because looking for love can be frowned upon. It isn’t always, but as a straight woman (especially one with a Christian background), it definitely feels like it. But that’s only in terms of romantic love (Eros if you’re familiar with the Greek terms). It feels like we just have to keep working on ourselves and focus on our faith, and then this divine, opportune moment will happen where you meet your future spouse. But the reality is, Christian or not, there’s no guarantee you will get married. And while meeting someone can be magical, being in a relationship and then getting married is ultimately a choice you make. Knowing it’s a choice has been comforting for me because I’ve felt like I’ve missed my time or “the one” (just consequences of getting older and feeling bad about past mistakes. I also don’t believe in “the one” any more but that’s a whole other blog post).
Currently, I’m not lurking for love. I’m trying to work on myself for me and my son. In the past, I’ve been working on myself in the hopes that by the “end,” I’d find someone. And when no one appeared at the “end,” it led to some mistakes being made to say the least. So I’m embracing self-love and maternal love. I’m working on my mental health. I’m trying to reconnect with God. I’m trying to come out of the weird place with my faith that I’ve mentioned before. And I know Yoda said, “Do or do not, there is no try,” but I have to show myself grace. For me, trying is a start.
Self-love (philautia, to keep the Greek word trend going) and self-care go hand-in-hand for me. Self-love means regard for one’s own well-being and happiness. Self-care is the actions you take care of or regulate your mental, emotional, and physical health (I got this definition of self-care from PsychCentral.com.)
What I’m doing for self-love is positive self-talk and affirmations. I’m hard on myself so when I mess up, I tend to speak negatively about myself. I’m working on improving that. Affirmations also help with self-love because they remind me of the good qualities I possess and the good goals I have for myself.
And for maternal love (the Greek word Storge technically means love and affection, especially of parents and children so not solely for mothers), I’m just taking it one day at a time. My tiny human is still new to the world and is learning a lot of things. So patience is important. And taking care of and loving myself will make me a better mom.
And also to share what I’m doing for my mental health and reconnecting with God, I’m journaling, praying, doing devotionals, and taking time to process my emotions when I’m feeling upset or overwhelmed.
Whether you’re lurking for love or looking for love, I wish you luck. It should be easier than ever to find someone that sees you with the Internet and all these apps in addition to you going about your daily life (well, pre-pandemic), but the reality is, it’s just hard. And even when you think you’ve found someone, you end up misjudging their character or you find one, important thing you two can’t agree on. But even when it’s hard, it’s important to have hope. Timing is also important. And I’ll leave you with these affirmations:
- You are enough.
- You are worthy of love.
- You are worthy of the love you want.
- You can be open to love while you’re healing.
- You can trust yourself.
- You can make great decisions that positively impact your life.
- Putting yourself first is not selfish.
Thank you for this Brit. Such an insightful piece.