I overthink a lot. And being in isolation hasn’t helped that at all. And it doesn’t matter that my mom and my son are here with me, I’m still thinking about my writing and my life and how to make both better. I try not to stress about what I’ve done wrong in the past or that I’m living through an actual pandemic. And writing this out now confirms I have a lot going on in my head. Maybe too much. And that’s why I haven’t been working on a lot of stuff lately.
I want to write for the blog and finally start on my book of short stories, but stress, anxiety, and fear are slowing me down. I know most of it is rightfully so with the state of the world, but there’s a part of me that feels guilty for not at least keeping up with the blog.
But sometimes focusing on the end goal is overwhelming and you have to take it day by day. I just have to sit down and write. And when the writing’s done, edit. And then write something else. And then I’ll have enough good stories to put into a collection. I could self-publish and promote it or try to get an agent and get published traditionally. I have to accept that there’s no timeline for achieving my goal of being an author. I have to forgive myself for not having a book out by now.
I was watching an Instagram Live with Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah, author of the short story collection, Friday Black. His friend, actor Nick Creegan, was also on and he said “Being is creative.” Any artist is able to incorporate their lived experiences into their art. As much as I want to push back and feel like I’m certain there are things I’ll never write about, I’m wrong. There’s plenty of work that won’t be shared with the world. Work that has inspired work that I have shared and that’s only going to continue going forward.
So when the pandemic is over and we are out living in the new normal, I’m ready to read and see all the art that is inspired by the pandemic and born out of it: weird sci-fi novels, abstract paintings, healing poems, eccentric essays, gritty films, punchy songs.
And maybe I’ll be writing about how I stopped overthinking and became more present. How I worried less about what would happen if I didn’t accomplish everything I wanted to. How I accepted who I am and where I am in life without feeling limited.
But we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?